December 2nd, 2007.
Current mood:
Last night, after an intense 11 hour day, i was looking forward to coming home, cooking dinner and watching a few re-runs of "What Not To Wear". I threw some tortilla chips in a mixing bowl then go to the fridge to get my eggs, ooh, i have 3 left, it will be a big treat of meal! 3 eggs! I crack egg 1 and then egg 2 into the bowl, then egg 3... WHAT THE FUCK!!! Urgh, it's fucking FERTILIZED!!! BLUERGH! Lots of blood and a big nasty grey chicken embryo in, what was, my fucking dinner!!! You wanna know what is really fucking stupid too? When i bought those eggs the cashier asked if i had checked the eggs for cracks, i replied yes, the dude behind then said "why, might there be a chick in there!?". Yes, hilarious i know, but then the cashier said to him, "well sometimes a fertilized does egg slip through!"
Today upon leaving my house to get coffee, i see a dude near the end of my street that seems to be pissing up a wall. Not a wholly unusual sight for anywhere in SF so i just conclude to stay on the opposite side of the street from him and try to remember to not tread in his piss puddle on my way home. As i get closer he turns toward me and although my eyes are averted to the ground i still somehow manage to catch a glimpse of what can only be described as a filth encrusted eggplant looking thing (homeboy, or rather, homeless boy was completely white too, well in the face and hands anyway) filling a can of Steel Reserve with urine. He walks off drinking from the can. For fucks sake!! I was just going to get coffee!! Now i absolutely do not want to put any warm liquid in my mouth, at all.
Sometime last week upon waking up, I switched on my phone. It was then i noticed that wedged between a couple of the panels of plastic on it was a bright ginger pubic hair? Hours before it could have been attached to a vagina, man crotch, or even an ass and now it is stuck on an object i frequently hold to my face. I am absolutely not a red head and this thing was a beefy assed long ginger pube. There is no f'n WAY i produced it. My roommate is not ginger either, unless she is hiding a secret... I have no idea where this solitary rogue ginger pube came from and how it got stuck to my phone.
I recently discovered some of my family on the 'space. My only female cousin, who is 16, has a screen name something like ~SeXXXyJeSSiEbaYbeE~. That grossed me out as it is but then i started thinking about her. She is one of them bleach blonde, popular and attractive girls that definitely would have bullied me when i was at school, she has had the same boyfriend for a couple of years, and if times haven't changed much she is definitely one of them kinds of girls that was getting laid when i was at school... Then it hit me in the guts that my 16 year old cousin that i remember holding (being forced to) the day she was born, has probably had a ton of dick. Ewwwwww. I will see her on Christmas Eve, that is all i will be able to think of. However, i'm having my wisdom teeth out on the 21st so maybe i can take some vicodin and it will be ok.
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